the-elm's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Waiting. I have the sudden urge to write something profound, although I doubt that is going to happen, seeing as most of what I've been writing lately is angsty crap. Anyhow, last night was our sari party. I can't believe school is ending. I've been in this place for 11 years, it's no joke. All my classmates, all my teachers, all the places where I've been through so very much - my first day at school, my first parents day, where I made friendships that have made a lasting impression on me, all the memories I'll never forget - it's time to leave all of it behind. It seems like everything's ending and falling apart, like the centre will not hold any longer. If I stop for a second and close my eyes, everything is too much for me. There's a storm raging inside of me - all the could've, would've, should'ves are echoing in my brain, bitter reminders that where I am now is all my own undoing. I've never felt so sad. Everything feels so empty, lacking, wanting some sense of completion. I miss you so very much, but even that doesn't matter anymore. I guess it pays to be numb. I don't even know where I'm headed. I'm afraid now, afraid that the sense of security that my school gave me will no longer be found elsewhere. I wish there was someone who could make me feel better - I feel like a little, vulnerable child caught in the rain with nowehere to hide. I'm out of faith too now. I'm sick of hoping and praying to a god who doesn't seem to care. I guess there isn't one afterall. I'm waiting now. For some rope. That's all I need. 3:18 p.m. - 2007-04-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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