the-elm's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- weirdness And all this misery will always be what i always loved and hated.. predictabilty.. it's funny. i saw thing going bad, and sure enough, they did. so yeah, little unsuspecting me is having a good time until i recieve a phonecall informing me that you've gone and slit your wrists. and so what am i supposed to do? i'm far too emotional to sit calmly and try to be comforting. i've never been good at helping people like that.. it's quite unfortunate really, since you're so goddamn good at it. why is this diary turning into something that's only about you. i mean, there are other things in my life too.. GOD. but you get under my skin like no one else. * * * * * i started crying on the phone last night.. something that i thought i would NEVER do and something that i thought was only for weak little girls who felt that they had to impose their femininity to get their way. but i didn't do it because of that. although, if it were in my control i wouldn't do it at all. honestly, i've come to see, it's always easier to be impersonal and angry than to care so much that it hurts and makes you break down and cry. and it all started with a few silent tears, and i brushed them away, thinking it to be foolishness. but then the floodgates opened and the stupid tears kept flowing. and soon the silent tears turned into loud sobs, and it was no use trying to hide it. but hey, at least i regained my composure. then i turned into ice-bitch. that's always easier. i don't know, man.. i don't know where things are going or how it's going to be or if "we're cool". all i can say is i'm sorry. * * * * * my friends got to go to the mental asylum today, but since i don't take psyhcology i couldn't go. how UNFAIR is that! i missed a chance to meet some long lost relatives. oh well, some other day.. heheh. things are soo waaaay beyong weird right now. i don't know WHERE life is going. i don't see my future, and all i want to do is forget my past. and as for the present, it isn't exactly thrilling either. ah well.. 9:00 p.m. - 2006-05-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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